so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
