I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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