TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
