I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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