i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
