boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
