I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
