If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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