Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
where are you?
Hypothermia
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As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
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Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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