I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
