I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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