he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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