I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
