bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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