i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
