I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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