Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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