I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize