you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
