I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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