no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
