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I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
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I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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