am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
