go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
