I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
