Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
