Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
