bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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