Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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