I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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