Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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