I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i think i have herpe
just one?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Two words: blizzard sex
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
