does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
