# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."