no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
