There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?