How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
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Sacagawea was the original milf.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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