I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
