i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
