names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
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You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
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I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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