You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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