I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
