just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
