And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
