my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
