We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
