1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
