just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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