He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
