Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
