Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
