i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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