you guys were way drunker than both of me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
