Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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