she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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