I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
