i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
