I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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