Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
People in love make me want to vomit
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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