you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
