Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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