i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
