I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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