i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
