Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
