Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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