I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Rumble strips road head = magical
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
