I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
