I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This is classic penis vs brain.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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